When Relationships Change

I know this topic has been discussed many times at the 'bee, (most recently by Miss Fox), but for some reason it still has a stigma attached to it, so I figured I'd throw in my experience...

In the months leading up to my engagement, I began spending a lot of time with a very good friend of mine. We had been close for years and even lived together previously, but we became inseparable. From after work happy hours to Saturday afternoon shopping trips, we spent nearly all our free time together. So when Mr. Hawk and I announced our engagement, there wasn't a doubt in my mind who I wanted to be my MOH. We were thrilled, and she began excitedly planning the bachelorette party and other fun activities; however, it wasn't long afterward that things greatly changed in her life.

She broke up with her serious boyfriend and moved out of the house they shared together. She moved in with Mr. Hawk and I for several weeks until she could find a new home, and she was surprisingly upbeat and optimistic. But once she moved into her new apartment things shifted. We had a pretty large difference of  opinion on something, and it created a large wedge between us. During this time, I think we both felt abandoned, and we rarely spoke to one another. Our lack of relationship during that time was not at all wedding related, but was even more glaringly obvious because of all the planning I was doing without her.

We attempted to patch things up several times, but for some reason it was still awkward and uncomfortable between us. Finally I got up the courage to bring up wedding talk. I asked her if she thought being MOH was putting too much pressure on us to just hurry up and be normal again. She said yes and admitted that additionally with her own relationship ending recently, she was still a bit heartbroken and finding it hard to be excited about a wedding, something she had once dreamed of having with her ex. Everything was out in the open, and I felt a huge weight lifted off me. We both decided it wouldn't be the Hawk wedding without her in it, but she could take the less stressful position of BM instead. I'm not going to lie and say that our heart to heart was a "magic fix," but it definitely helped. We talk more often, spend time together again, and are even able to bring up the "w" word.

The point of my bringing this story up was not to throw my BM (or myself!) under the bus. It was just to let y'all know that it happens. When my relationship broke down, I felt like a failure and so alone in this situation. You are not alone! Relationships change. If the woman you imagined being your MOH would feel more comfortable stepping down to be a BM, it's okay. Or if she decides she'd rather support you from the pews, that's okay too. Planning a wedding is a long process and things are bound to change, most of which will be out of your control. It can be a heartbreaking experience, but I promise you'll make it through. (And if you need someone to talk to, I can completely relate!)

Have you experienced any relationship difficulties with family or friends during the wedding planning process?

We Go Together Like Meat and Potatoes

I've already mentioned some ways Mr. Hawk and I are different. (Like I'm a crier and he's pretty unemotional. I can be a gut-feel gal, and he likes the hard cold facts.) But the reality is that those differences are just the tip of the iceberg with us. I'd even venture to say that we are more different then we're alike in a lot of ways.

Mr. H and I grew up very differently. We come from different ethnic backgrounds, different socioeconomic backgrounds, and different lifestyles. Mr. Hawk was one of four children and spent most of his adolescence living out in the country. (The sticks!) I was pretty darn spoiled being an only child most of my life. Growing up I moved around quite a bit. From Arizona to Virginia to Texas to Tennessee back to Virginia, I never really had a "hometown."

In fact, our differences were so blatantly obvious that when Mr. H and I first started officially dating, I received a lot faux-pleasant "oh really?"'s. (The southern equivalent of "no effin' way!") I heard whispers (not always so quietly) from friends. None of the talk had anything to do with friends disliking one of us, I think we just really took everyone by surprise. They didn't picture us together.

What they failed to realize at the time was that our differences is what make us work.  If Mr. H and I grew up in the same city, had similar families, and had every interest in common we would be SO.DARN.BORING. Our differences allow us to have interesting conversations where a lot of times we arrive at the same conclusion but have completely opposing reasons as to how we got there. We get to be exposed to new experiences (like Mr. H's first camping trip)! And best of all we get to explore and cultivate new interests together as a couple (like our obsession with local baseball and our new found love of wine tasting).

       

I wouldn't want to lie to you and say that it is all sunshine and rainbows. There are some days when I exasperatedly wonder, "why doesn't he get where I'm coming from?" But we're learning from each other, and I really believe that we're growing into better people because of one another.  I can't imagine us any other way. (And in case you were wondering, our friends now definitely agree.)

Did you and your significant other have a lot in common right from the start?

All photos personal

Marrying a Traveling Man

Mr. Hawk works in retail. More specifically, he is a District Supervisor for a chain of retail stores. If any of y'all have ever worked in retail or have been in a relationship with someone who worked in retail full time, I'm sure you have an idea of what his job entails: long hours, working holidays, and (my least favorite) travel. (Lots.Of.Travel.) He is gone so often that sometimes it feels like we are in long distance relationship even though we share the same address. In the off-chance that he can actually make it home, it still feels like we're just crossing paths. He walks in the door around nine, and being an early riser myself, I head to bed around ten or ten-thirty. Come morning, I wake up earlier than him to head to work. When it comes down to it, we're lucky if we've actually spent over an hour of (conscious) time together!

Image via Long Distance Relationships

So how do we make it work? Well I think most people would say, "the phone is your friend." But Mr. Hawk and I kinda suck at that too. Neither of us are particularly phone-chatty, and we still face the issue of our conflicting schedules. Our saving grace is our lazy Sundays. Church and brunch/lunch at home, followed by hours of lounging and cuddling with movies or football on TV is how we make up for lost time. It's the one day a week that we close ourselves off from the rest of the world. (And it's wonderful!) I must admit that lately the wedding planning bonanza has begun to interfere with our lazy Sundays, but we've kind of started to take advantage of lazy Friday nights, so maybe that can serve as a temporary replacement. It doesn't really matter the day or time, the key for us is to have alone time to reconnect, preferably without tons of wedding talk.

Do you or your significant other travel frequently? How do you stay in tune with one another?

A Reason to be Inspired

Recently I got to meet a very special newborn old baby girl, the daughter of BM K and her hubby Groomsman R. Over the past couple months, after finding out about BM K's pregnancy, (and maybe even before then?), I've been thinking about how BM K and GM R are one of my "inspirational couples." When I look at them and see how much love and mutual respect they have for each other, I can't help but hope that one day Mr. Hawk and I can be as great of a team as they are. (Not to say that Mr. Hawk and I are a crappy team! But we're still learning and establishing ourselves as a unit.) BM K and GM R are always affectionate and kind towards each other. I have never seen them publicly argue and they really have a true partnership.

In the day and age where divorce seems to have run rampant, and people can't WAIT to spit out divorce statistics, it is so fantastic to see couples who are making it work and are blissfully happy. Take Momma and Daddy Hawk for another example. (My other inspirational couple!) They have been married almost 35 years. They have survived raising 1.5 children (they've still got a few more years to go on the short stack), four cross-country moves, numerous careers, unemployment, all amongst other typical family struggles and life in general. Somehow after all that, they seem as close and as in love as ever! (Take that, Mr. Statistician!)

I hope Mr. Hawk and I are still having this much fun in 35 years!! (personal photo)

I really do feel blessed to have real-life inspirational couples in my life. Not the couples of television and movies, but couples who have and are currently dealing with real life struggles. Couples I can look to for guidance, encouragement, and a little dash of gold ole' hope. I truly believe that Mr. Hawk and I have the stuff to make it. So what is "the stuff?" Lord, don't I wish I knew! But looking at my inspirational couples I think it's desire to make it work, mutual respect, common interests and goals and the ability to not sweat the small stuff. (Phew! Seems like a tall order, huh?!)

Who are your inspiration couples? Do you look to family or friends for relationship guidance?