When Relationships Change

I know this topic has been discussed many times at the 'bee, (most recently by Miss Fox), but for some reason it still has a stigma attached to it, so I figured I'd throw in my experience...

In the months leading up to my engagement, I began spending a lot of time with a very good friend of mine. We had been close for years and even lived together previously, but we became inseparable. From after work happy hours to Saturday afternoon shopping trips, we spent nearly all our free time together. So when Mr. Hawk and I announced our engagement, there wasn't a doubt in my mind who I wanted to be my MOH. We were thrilled, and she began excitedly planning the bachelorette party and other fun activities; however, it wasn't long afterward that things greatly changed in her life.

She broke up with her serious boyfriend and moved out of the house they shared together. She moved in with Mr. Hawk and I for several weeks until she could find a new home, and she was surprisingly upbeat and optimistic. But once she moved into her new apartment things shifted. We had a pretty large difference of  opinion on something, and it created a large wedge between us. During this time, I think we both felt abandoned, and we rarely spoke to one another. Our lack of relationship during that time was not at all wedding related, but was even more glaringly obvious because of all the planning I was doing without her.

We attempted to patch things up several times, but for some reason it was still awkward and uncomfortable between us. Finally I got up the courage to bring up wedding talk. I asked her if she thought being MOH was putting too much pressure on us to just hurry up and be normal again. She said yes and admitted that additionally with her own relationship ending recently, she was still a bit heartbroken and finding it hard to be excited about a wedding, something she had once dreamed of having with her ex. Everything was out in the open, and I felt a huge weight lifted off me. We both decided it wouldn't be the Hawk wedding without her in it, but she could take the less stressful position of BM instead. I'm not going to lie and say that our heart to heart was a "magic fix," but it definitely helped. We talk more often, spend time together again, and are even able to bring up the "w" word.

The point of my bringing this story up was not to throw my BM (or myself!) under the bus. It was just to let y'all know that it happens. When my relationship broke down, I felt like a failure and so alone in this situation. You are not alone! Relationships change. If the woman you imagined being your MOH would feel more comfortable stepping down to be a BM, it's okay. Or if she decides she'd rather support you from the pews, that's okay too. Planning a wedding is a long process and things are bound to change, most of which will be out of your control. It can be a heartbreaking experience, but I promise you'll make it through. (And if you need someone to talk to, I can completely relate!)

Have you experienced any relationship difficulties with family or friends during the wedding planning process?

Who's that lady?

Since you’ve met Mr. D and I, I figured it was about darn time for you to meet some of my favorite ladies, none other than the beautiful members of the bridal party! (And it is quite timely since I’m shopping for ‘maids dresses Saturday morning! [Eeeek!])

MOH A

A and I first met sophomore year in my Intermediate Macroeconomics class. She was a fellow econ major at the college and actually lived in the same building as me, although we didn’t discover that until later. Being somewhat of a larger class, we really didn’t interact much the first couple weeks of the semester until I joined Alpha Chi Omega, where she was already a sister. That was pretty much all we needed to start our friendship, and once we found out that we shared a mutual love of football (ahem, players) and spiced rum, we were pretty much inseparable. (Besides when you are constantly accused by strangers of being sisters, you’ve gotta be close, right?)
BM R

If it hadn’t been for my friendship with A, I would not have ever met BM R (A’s cousin). I first met R when she made a trip to visit A in the ‘burg. Throughout senior year, when A and I were roomies, she came to visit a few times and when A and I went home to Richmond on breaks, we were like the three amigos. R, like me, has an affinity for shopping (for hours on end. Really. H.O.U.R.S.). She is definitely the kind of girl who will keep you in stitches (sometimes simply due to ditzy comments), but more than that she’s someone you can count on to comfort you in your time of need.

BM K

K and I met through Mr. D about two years ago. (He calls me a friend-stealer for having her stand on my side. Psh.) K is married to one of Mr. D’s longtime friends (and groomsman) and so when Mr. D and I began dating, we spent a lot of time with K and her hubby. (We even joined a bowling league together!) K and I bonded over our mutual love for reading and Harry Potter. I can’t imagine not having K stand at the alter next to me because from day one, I’ve felt like she and her hubs have been the two biggest cheerleaders for Mr. D and I’s relationship. She is incredibly kind and I swear she always, always has something nice to say. I don’t think there’s a person alive that couldn’t like K.  
BM T

I count T as one of my lifelong and dearest friends. We met in middle school and we immediately bonded. She was goofy and kind and totally shared my sense of humor. I couldn’t count the number of hours that we spent together from middle school through high school. She was a constant fixture at my house and was like a sister to me. Although we don’t get to see each other often or even spend hours on the phone, she’s someone who I’ve never lost bond my with. We always just pick up where we left off and I love her to pieces!

Jr. BM M

Last but certainly not least is M, my “mini me”/short stack/half pint/little britches...(I could literally go on and on...) my sister. M is adorable, intelligent, and incredibly loyal. (My mom likes to tell a story about when I was in high school. I came home after a rough day and was crying about something. My sister, a toddler at that point, came over and tried to push [and maybe even kick if my memory serves me correctly?] my mom away, thinking she was the one upsetting me. Who wouldn’t want a sister with loyalty like that?!) M is caring and compassionate and is so witty without even trying. I couldn’t imagine my life without her and am glad to be sharing my special day with her.


How many 'maids do you have in your bridal party? Was it difficult to decide which friends/family members you wanted to ask?




All photos personal